#4 - Wisdom Sharing
#4 - Wisdom sharing
This article discusses
Feelings associated with Grief
The power of sharing experiences and wisdom
Ancestral and family wisdom
We need each other
Tell me about you
Hello, beautiful community.
I am writing to you today in a vulnerable place. I just got off the phone to my parents. They announced to me that my aunt died. Her husband, my uncle, died back in April 2019 from cancer. I was already in Australia. It hit me, but not like this, not like today. I slowly understand why and I wanted to share some of my thoughts with you.
Here is not a place for solutions or unsolicited advice. This space, my website and sections are a place for free expression and sharing. I want to hear from you and I want to tell you some of the things that are present in my mind.
I am sad. The first reaction was tears. I was crying when I read the text and then over the phone with my parents. I think tears came easier as it was a shock. I didn't expect her death at all. I know she was sick but not to a stage where she could be gone like that. Secondly, I felt a very familiar feeling in my body: “Here we go again! I didn’t have time to say goodbye.” The choice of moving to another country and staying here hasn’t been an easy one. Everyday, I wake up and I am so grateful to be here. However, sometimes I need to remind myself why I am here and where I am going. This topic will be an article for another day. But this is the second feeling that came to my mind: a mix between shame, guilt, regret and self-blame. That’s a lot of feelings but it's hard to summarise how I felt in one word. I love words (as you know) but they are not enough sometimes. That’s why listening to the body and how we feel is extremely important.
Let’s go over them one by one. Shame. I felt ashamed of not being able to go back to my country for the funeral. At the moment, due to visa requirements, I am not allowed to leave the country. I could by asking another type of visa but it will cost me too much time and energy I am not ready to spend. It seems harsh but I also know deep down that I don’t have to say goodbye in France to say goodbye to my aunt. I can do it from where I am, with my whole heart. Love and light don’t have frontiers, right?
Blame. I’ve been in Australia for more than five years and a half. Unfortunately, I missed a few funerals. Also weddings and births. I used to self-blame so much that I was wondering “wtf am I doing here?” I was self-doubting and self-mentally mutilating myself. Blame goes with the guilt, but also the shame. The guilt of not being there, not saying goodbye, not having time to phone her for the last time, and so on. But those feelings will eat me alive if I let them be.
Regrets. The feeling that seems to take the biggest place is regret. Not in a judgmental or blaming way. “I just wish I would …” You know what? That is okay to want something to happen even if you know it will not happen. Because thanks to those feelings and wishes, I grow, I learn. I wish I would have asked more about her life, her opinions, what she was the most proud of, who she loved, what was her best memory, who was her favourite person in the whole world, what was her favourite movie?
My deceased aunt reminds me of the power of stories. How wisdom can be shared and passed on from one generation to another? How can storytelling be so powerful and useful for the community and newer generations? Listening to stories can be so healing and meaningful. We can make sense of what we hear and apply it to our life experiences. Stories make sense and have meaning. Shared stories create communities, circles, bonds between humans and other living organisms. Shared stories create knowledge and so much wisdom. Allow yourself to be taught and to learn from the past and current generations.
The truth is that all the questions I wish I would ask my aunt will remain unanswered. This will also be another article for another day. “Do not seek the answers” as the very talented poet Rainer Maria Rilke (1929) said. It is profoundly transformative, healing and teaching. Let the unknown be.
Tell me about you
How do you make sense of “not seeking the answers”?
I’m sending you pure and genuine love, filled with light and warmth.
Take care of your whole self, each other, and your community.
Nurture and be mindful of the natural world around you and within you.
Resources
R. M. Rilke to F. X. Kappus. (firstly compiled, 1903). Letters to a Young Poet (1929).
Written 16/03/2024
Published 10/08/2024
