#9 - Love to Survive
#9 - Love to Survive
This article discusses:
Attachment connection
Maternal deprivation
Emotional needs over physiological needs
Human connections and relationships.
Tell me about you
Dear community, hello, hello!
Welcome to story #9! Let’s dive right in!
I love thinking (sometimes). I don’t like overthinking or when my mental activity is too intense - when it gives me headaches. But sometimes, I like thinking about thinking (FYI we call this ‘metacognition’) especially when I am asking myself deep and meaningful questions. In other words, I love existentialism.
As I am writing this down, I am still unsure where I am going with this.
But here I am: being authentic, raw and brutally honest.
Well, a few months ago, I was phoning a close friend (who’s in France). We were ending a very long conversation about spirituality, working with the energies and letting go of the trauma through some bodywork. I don’t know how we ended up asking this question “What if you are the last person on the planet? Like the last survivor.”
Of course, if I was the last survivor, I wouldn’t survive too long. But on a deeper level, I was thinking of how lonely and hopeless I would probably feel.
I quickly thought about how we need each other to survive.
As social beings, we need to see, talk to, touch, feel, and engage with others. The natural world is certainly important to me and I feel nourished when I am surrounded by nature. Most of you know that I am specialising my counselling practice in ecotherapy. So yes, the natural world is deeply meaningful for healing and growth.
However, my main point here is the necessity of being in relation with other human beings.
During COVID, when I was working in nursing homes and hospitals, I saw hundreds of lonely people. Out there in the community, I was the only person they would see in a week. Some people died alone, not because of COVID-19, but because of a lack of social interactions for a long time. Some of them died of deep sadness, of a “broken heart” as they call it. I was devastated. I felt guilt and shame as “I could have done more.” I was also surprised by how much genuine relationships and meaningful connections are crucial for survival.
It reminded me of “the monkey love experiment.” It was unethical research but still relevant today. The research was led by Harry Harlow (1959) for 8 months. He wanted to evaluate whether feeding or touch/contact/comfort was more important to infant attachment. The baby monkeys were separated from their mother of birth. Then, they were raised by two kinds of surrogate monkeys' mother machines. One “mother” was made of soft terry cloth, the other made of wire mesh. The “soft mother” wasn’t feeding the baby monkey but was soft and offered cuddles to the monkey. The wire mesh mother was offering food to the baby monkey, but did not show any affection.
Harlow’s research showed that the baby monkey prefers to starve and go with physical attention and contact (the soft terry cloth mom) rather than the “wire mesh” one.
To sum up, in this case, emotional needs are more important than physical needs.
Seeking connection and relationships is a strong motivator for humans/monkeys. This study also shows that early periods in life are crucial for self and adulthood development.
In other words, Harlow’s study suggested that the development of a child’s love for their caregiver was emotional rather than physiological. Additionnally, quality time is better than quantity time. This theory has been major for attachment theories in psychology (same as “The Strange Situation”).
As monkeys, we need love, contact, affection, play and comfort to survive. Touch is critical in the process of surviving but also thriving as an individual.
With love, touch and emotional contact, we survive and we live. With love, we can deepen healing and growth.
Answering the initial question: if I was the only human on the planet, I would need cuddles, love and affection from other living (or nonliving) organisms to survive and protect my mental health. I would cuddle a tree, talk to plants and touch the warm sand. I would talk to myself (even more!) and continue to create a community with the natural world.
What do you think of this experiment?
Were you expecting another outcome? Tell me more …
I’m sending you pure and genuine love, filled with light and warmth.
Take care of your whole self, each other, and your community.
Nurture and be mindful of the natural world around you and within you.
Resources
Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the
strange situation. Lawrence Erlbaum.
Harlow, H. (1959). The monkey love experiment.
Harlow, H. F., Dodsworth, R. O., & Harlow, M. K. (1965). Total social isolation in monkeys .
Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America, 54 (1), 90.
Written 30/03/2024
Published 13/12/2024
